How to find your soulmate, business partner, client, or employer on Twitter

by marketing on 02/17/2013

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So, you go home with some Austrian dude sporting way too many a’s in his name and leave

Industry analysts are saying that twitter produces too many quitters. You register looking in hopes of finding interesting people. You auto contact everyone in your email contacts. And VOILA! You get to meet all the same people you already know! Yay! Not Yay?!

Let me break this down for you.

You add @aplusk. He keeps begging you for favors. You add @iamdiddy. He tells you he is working on some new mega project at 4am and makes you feel like a looser. You add some of your favorite bloggers who make less money than you do and when you tell them how much you love their work, they don’t even bother to respond.


Am I close?

So, you go home with some Austrian dude named HaagenDaas, sporting way too many a’s in his name, melting in your hand, you leave. Romantic comedy reruns never let you down do they?

This is where Shaolin Kung Fu teaches you how to find your soul mate on Twitter. He or she is out there. The Shaolin are the clan credited for developing the five animal kung fu styles. And guess how they did it? They studied the animals. Duh.


The more desperate the bird gets to get jiggy wid’ it, the more beautiful it’s song gets

Humans get so wrapped up in their own internal ego based monologues that they can’t even perform a proper mating ritual. Do what the Shaolin do. Study the animals (“you lazy one, go and learn from the ant! – Solomon”).

Since we are on the topic of birds and bees, what better animal to study than birds for their mating calls.

Each bird has a unique song. The more desperate the bird gets to get jiggy wid’ it, the more beautiful it’s song gets.

Whaaaazaaaaaahhhh! Pow! Bam!

The notes it chooses, the frequency it hits, and the times it performs tell all potential soulmates within ear shot, “You best pay ‘tention cuz I ain’t stayin on the market!”

So, do you have a mating call? How frequently do you perform and when?


All you have to do hear your own mating call is look back at all your facebook entries, pictures, and yes, tweets.

You use specific terminology, go to specific places at specific times, do specific things, and feel a specific way about those certain things. The words you choose are your song. Now, find and follow someone eles who’s song sounds just like yours.

What words do you use most often? copy: RT @journik and reply to me. And if you follow me I’ll give you stuff like this all day long, so click

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  • Michal Cesena

    Congrats Chelsea. I had been so hoping we were likely to pull it off, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

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