I’ve said it before. SEO is a Scam: http://journik.posterous.com/tag/seo and again, differently. Home page optimization is a scam too. Here’s why.

Google doesn’t care about your site just like you don’t care about how much your dentist brags about his steady hands. Google, like you, only cares about what others say.

Here’s a tiny caveat for the thousands of SEO guys who will doubtless sending me hate mail, again. Optimizing your home page or landing page is only useful if you’re on page two and just need a tiny boost to get to page one. But that’s something you can do yourself. Just make the first words in your title tag, description tag, and body use your key words. That’s it. No need to repeat.

What you can do, on your home page is to offer motivation to link to you. There are 73 ways to do this. You can say link to us for a discount. You can say link to this page as we will be adding the next 5 “trade secrets of how to blah blah” in a few days. You can even post a tips and tricks reference guide or infographic temporarily on your home page to promote links. People just love linking to lists and infographics. See: 5 Ways Your Iphone App Developer Burns You and see: How to Explain The Power of Twitter Retweets: an Infographic.

But ever you do, create something of long term value and the links will come. You can optimize a straw hut all day long. You won’t have guests until they can smell delicious cookies wafting out. If you want help building your online business, call Bob Wan Kim at 310 598 1606. We’re good at making things take off. We carry jet fuel.

IPhone App Developer: “You Are Marketing to Stupid Idiots. Proceed Accordingly.”

The public is stupid. Beta was much better than VHS. It never took off. Solar power should be everywhere. We still pay for gas. You came up with the most brilliant iPhone and iPad or Android app and if only 10,000 people used it, you could change their lives. But you’ve got 8 downloads. Eight.

You are trying to market your app to these people. Remember that.

I remember being at a friends house – Marcus. He had 3 brothers – only boys. Whenever their mom baked a cake, there would be a fight. They would each complain that the other got a bigger piece. So Marcus’ dad thought up a brilliant solution. He had the eldest boy, Samuel, cut the pie in half. Then he had each boy by birth order cut the pie in half again.

When this fascinating process was over, Samuel would get to pick the first piece, and Marcus would pick the second piece, etc… on down the line.

Everyone got an Even-Steven piece. 

Their father was an idiot.

He was sending an implied message to his kids that there is a way to make events in life fair. He was teaching his kids to make their happiness relative to the acquisition of others. In this case, it’s not the Joneses – it’s their brothers.

What I would have done (easy to say for a Guy that doesn’t even have a girlfriend) is to simply take away the pie from any and all complainers. 

There’s no entitlement. There’s no stipulating what someone else gets and making your happiness contingent on the wealth or unwealth of another.

This is the problem with app development. Entrepreneurs think differently.

Entrepreneurs think that if everyone chipped in a single dollar to buy their silly rubber bracelet that ends up smelling like wet dog on a hot day, they could stop cancer and we could use the billions saved to instead fund clean energy builds. Entrepreneurs think that if you built an app where everyone just volunteers their favorite flavor of ice cream, then they could buy just that one flavor in bulk and open a nationwide chain of Basket Robber’s One Flavors Flav Ice Cream that give everyone two scoops for the price of one based on their new economy of scale. 

The public is a stupid idiot.

They will not chip in one review, one rating, one field of personal information even if it meant they could have full access to everyone’s chip-ins IF it means that:

A) They have to wait for their pay off

B) Somebody else will get rich in the process.

OK. So “A,” the public is all about instant gratification. They do not till, plant, water, and wait. If you disqualify 401ks, only about 2% of the America Public own stocks of any kind.

The public is a stupid idiot.

And “B,” I’m not Christian but Jesus still said it best. “There was a master of a field. The harvest being great, he hired workers at the eleventh hour. After the harvest, he paid them all alike, the worker who had been there for 12 hours and the worker who only worked for the last hour. The worker who worked from the first hour complained angrily to the master of the field. The master said, you evil wicked slave (personally, I think this is a mistranslation. I think he said, “Stupid Idiot”) of what business it is to you that I have made another agreement with another worker. You have received what you wanted. Now go your way before even that is lost to you!”

What I’m telling you is that even if your iphone app idea is brilliant and will reduce traffic by 50% making your users’ commute to work 40% faster, saving them $200 in gas and $300 in wear and tear every month, if it takes 6 months to see an ROI, they won’t use your app. If they can see that you’re making millions while they only save $6,000 a year, they won’t use your app.

So how do you get someone to use your app? You’ve got to offer them an immediate dangling carrot. Remember, your market is a stupid idiot. The whole concept of collaboration doesn’t work for them. That’s why you’re the boss and they just want a job. They can’t see the big picture so stop trying to open their eyes. I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot, the voluntarily blind guy or the guy trying to make them see. Instead, appeal to a sensory faculty they already have. They still have 4 other senses.

It’s Amazing How Much We Could Accomplish If Nobody Cared Who Got the Credit – Reagan

How to Strategize Your Web or Iphone / IPad / Android App Roll Out
I’m only going to say this one more time. Do not expect to have a single user based on the promise of a future dated pay off. It won’t work (insert cricket chirping noises).

Google didn’t launch until they had already spidered 10 times more websites than Yahoo (more or less). Yahoo tried to get people to submit their urls for inclusion in their directory. Nobody did. Google won.

Facebook started off as a private site that showcased the hottest chicks at Harvard – both of them. Everyone wanted in. Only AFTER everyone got in, their payoff to the stupid idiots changed. Now, Guys from other Ivys could connect and network with Harvard boys. Only AFTER all the Ivy got in, their payoff to the stupid idiots changed. All the kids who had a mere 4.0 GPA and 1,400 SAT score could network with the IVY boys. See: Facebook Marketing Strategies

Twitter started off as a site where you could contact all the top writers, editors, PR people, and news media directly without knowing their email address. Only AFTER all the CEOs and Entrepreneurs who could see the value in it joined Twitter, the less stupid and less idiotic masses could see that being able to directly message these powerful people would be valuable. Only after they joined, Oprah realized that Twitter would give her direct access to the public – right down to their text messages.

So as far as your Iphone, Ipad, and Android Phone App goes, what’s the first thing you can offer now? What’s the most compelling thing you can offer now? Right now? Sex. Yes. Sex. 

Whether you have an app that lets people carpool, lets people get group travel discounts, lets people trade Gucci dresses, or what ever, if you can subtly imply that they will get laid, they will download your app. 

If you want help developing your IPhone App Roll Out Strategy (so that people actually use your app)… Call us at 310 598 1606. Ask for Bob Wan Kim.

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

Wired Magazine started a wild-fire when they said, “The Web Is Dead.”

Everyone from TechCrunch to Mashable blogged about that blog about blogs vs Facebook. To a large extent, Wired is right on the money. Discussion forums killed the BBS. And Facebook killed discussion forums.

Facebook also killed Flickr. Or they at least killed Flickr’s growth potential with the easiest photo uploading, tagging, and sharing software on earth – their own.

So since Facebook is so easy to get into and so hard to get out of, let’s go to the mountain since it ain’t comin’ to Mohammad anytime soon.

Facebook Marketing Tips and Strategies from the Most Cunning Social Media Marketing Bastards in Los Angeles and NYC

1. Build a NONCOMMERCIAL “Like” Page
Nobody Likes Your Business But You.

Nobody realizes that if you click “Like” you’ve just subscribed to the Page Admin’s messages. Every few years, people get tricked into opting in for advertising. They do. When Google first came out with Adwords, you couldn’t tell the difference between sponsored ads vs organic high rank search results. Advertisers got rich.

Just a few weeks ago, Apple released iAds for their iPad and iPhone Apps. These ads are so interactive and beautiful that app developers are getting rich from people clicking just for the curiosity of it all.

Just about the same time, Mark Zuckerberg announced at his F8 Industry Conference that he would convert the “fan” button to a “like” button and let Facebook pages broadcast into the stream of those who clicked “like.”

The public generally doesn’t realize that if they click “Like,” on your page, they are opting-in to your messaging. So, build a NONCOMMERCIAL “Like” Page. Like this one: http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-SLEEP/73330003836

Whatever your industry, and business, I’m sure you can come up with a non commercial concept that’s much easier to like than “Joe’s Plumbing.” Maybe Joe should try a page named, “Hot Showers” or “Bubble Baths.” Then, he’d hit his target demographic and do so with zero resistance to “Like” conversion.

2. Copy and Paste your Edutisement to all the biggest pages until you get blocked
I hate spam. I hate sales people. But if a cologne saleman wants to educate me on the differences between French vs Italian herbs used in Gucci VS YSL, I’ll listen and maybe even buy a bottle. So sure, post a message on any page you want. Go ahead. But make sure each post is valuable in and of itself. Make sure each of your posts are valuable to THE READER – NOT to you. Then, when they click through to your site, educate some more and sell the value of your product – not your product.

3. Contact the Admins of the Biggest Facebook Pages and Ask them to Post Your Message
You may have to offer them money. But if you put it all in perspective, even if you printed one million fliers at a five pennies each, you’d have spent $50,000. Then to distribute those fliers, you’d spend another $200,000 on the cheap. So even if you have to pay $500 to post a message to one million people who like “Water,” it may be worth it.

4. Put Your Facebook Like Page on Every Blog You Can
You may have to pay them. Look at it this way: Facebook charges you about 30 cents to $1.50 per Click if you advertise. It takes about 50 clicks to convert into a subscriber, oh, sorry, “liker.” So it could cost you between $15 to $75 per one subscriber – liker. WOW. That’s expensive.

If you put your mysteriously named Like box on the front page of the highest traffic blogs, you’ll get likers for free. That’s like if some really gorgeous woman just threw $75 bundles at your face all day long. See http://meditation-mantra.org ‘s implementation. Offer a payoff for clicking “Like.” Or, as I did here in my blog, capitalize on the relationship you’ve developed and give your readers a way to thank you by offering the “Like” box. Irrelevant content gets mentally filtered out faster than girls with bad breath at a bar.

Offer a Big Payoff for Clicking “Like”

To avoid paying blog owners any money, offer them a coop. Offer then full admin rights as long as they only shoot out 1 message a day and a max of 20 per month. Why wouldn’t the blog owner just start their own “Like” Page and get full power? Simple, Because you’ve got your box on 20 different blogs. This means that any blog owner instantly has 2000% the arm-length they’d have alone.

5. Add Friends Like It’s Going Out of Style
It is. In the beginning, I could add as many friends as I wanted. Now, If you do more than 12 friend requests in one quick sitting, Facebook threatens to destroy you. Stop. Repeat tomorrow. That’s how I got 500 friends in one month at http://www.facebook.com/greenisimo . I have 5,000 more in another account.

But here’s the secret. You gotta add friends that are trendsetters, influencers, and loudmouths. Here’s how you find them (if you’re Joe the Plumber): Outspoken people with their minds in the toilet

What am I missing? Lemme know Gmail: bob.wan.kim and I’ll credit your for your contributions! Thanks!

To Chat with Bob Wan Kim about Making Your Site, Products and Services Fly Out of the Door, Just Call him at 310 598 1606 or gmail him: bob.wan.kim

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The Greatest Help You Can Give Your Friends is the Space to Learn to Help Themselves — http://bit.ly/TaoOfLiving

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I’m glad women occasionally stalk me back.

One of these girls was dripping beautiful. She was half Irish, half Spanish, half divine. She grew up mostly naked before Cabo San Lucas became a tourist trap. She’d wake up in the morning, jump out of bed, and run 20 paces to dive into the Sea of Cortez. When she did, I swear she was a mermaid. But she was also a siren. If she opened her lips and spoke more than three words, it was hard to argue with her. She made “doing her bidding” a pleasure.

I used to occasionally have a hard time collecting from some of my clients. After Christina rubbed off on me, I’ve never had problems with accounts receivables. This is what she taught me about getting clients to pay you on time:

1. Keep your interaction with your clients very short but even sweeter.
Christina lived with me half the time. But for some reason, she was always busy, occupied, booked, or otherwise unavailable. She made herself scarce. She tightly controlled the supply of her. But when she accepted a dinner date engagement, she was 100% there. She turned off her cell phone noticeably. She sat close to me. She leaned into me. Eye contact with her was like dipping your hand into a warm jar of honey.

Being with her was so pleasant, cherishing that relationship became a priority. She never had to ask for anything twice (or send out late payment notices).

2. Develop relationships with your clients’ clients.
I never saw this coming.

I hate slobbery dogs. Christina had a slobbery dog. I’d meet her at her house straight from the office and her slobbery dog would plant it’s muddy paws on my suit and scuff up my leather shoes. That wasn’t so bad. He would wipe his runny nose on my slacks. It left a stain that looked like I should have had a much better time.

So I became unfriendly to dog. Everytime I met Christina at her house, I’d have a $50 dry cleaning bill.

Sure, you’re thinking, “look, why don’t you just change into jeans before you show up you anal asshole?”

The answer is simple. It’s because I’m an anal asshole.

In my Korean culture, we eat dogs. We shouldn’t have to change our lifestyle and spend precious human minutes to accommodate an undisciplined ingredient that goes in our won-ton hors d’oeuvres.

Christina never complained. She never tried to change me. I could tell that she wanted me to relax and be affectionate with her dog but she never said a word. Instead, my dude friends took me out for drinks one night and said, “look, why don’t you just change into jeans before you show up you anal asshole?”

I had no idea how they knew. Then I got flashbacks. Christina was always hospitable, warm, and empathetic to all my friends. At parties, she would cater to my friends and they would all pour their hearts out to her. Many of those “pre-existing engagements” of hers were with my friends. She developed a network of influence around my network of influence.

“Honey, your college buddy Ryan just called. He said he wants to get some advice from me. Do you mind?”

She never had to complain or try to change me. All she had to do is express to one of my friends that she was unhappy with one tiny thing and they would take care of the rest. 

I make sure to thank my clients when their clients want my “advice.” I never get paid late.

3. Destroy the client. Create a partner.
This is probably one of the strangest things Christina did. On nights she didn’t want to go out, if I really wanted to go out, she got me a date – last minute. No. She didn’t run an escort service. That was another girlfriend of mine, Sandra (learned a lot from her too).

“Honey, Janet called the other day. She said she wanted to pick our brains about her boyfriend but I think this is more your territory. Do you mind going out with her instead?”

Christina had a way of delivering outside the scope of our bf-gf contract. She delivered solutions that matched up the needs of everyone in her life. My clients come to me with a specific need. That creates a one directional client/provider relationship. I immediately destroy that narrow relationship pipe and see how I can support all of my clients’ big picture goals.

You can see why I don’t get paid late. And occasionally, I wonder if I’ll see Christina again.

I have lots of readers in the tech, health, and corporate daoism fields. Drop me a hello @journik and I’ll share your blog or work with my subscribers.

Posted via web from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

Love Your Life.

Love it so much that that you really aren’t that eager to get that new account. Everyone wants to be with someone who will not have them.

Then friend me at http://www.facebook.com/bob.wan.kim for more of these little reminders

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

To see all your replies from several different accounts in Seesmic Android or Iphone, just set up a multisearch using the “OR” operator. Voila (French for FTW)!

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

Hi Guys. I need your help. And I’m willing to pay you $10. I build IPhone Apps and Web Sites. My newest website lets travelers or students post flyers without using paper, staples, or glue. It’s called http://StapleGlue.com

As you can imagine, it’s main purpose is to keep the environment green.

So, if you want to

A) Post YOUR Flyer for rideshare/loveletter/partyinvite

B) Save the Planet

C) Help me spread the word and make $10 fast,

Just post a message OR use mine: http://stapleglue.com/view.cfm?id=19 and set it to the home page of every computer in the library or your hostel. 

Just send me a pic to Gmail bob.wan.kim or http://twitter.com/greenisimo and I’ll paypal you $10 immediately. Deal?

Happy Travels!

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

This is how you get free rides everywhere you travel:

http://hackingtravel.com/post/989392814/how-to-get-free-rides-anywhere-you-tr…

All you have to do is post a message and set it as the home page of all the computers in your hostel for maximum exposure.

How you get an extra $10 via Paypal is just send a photo of all the computers with the homepage set as your http://stapleglue.com message to http://twitter.com/journik and I will personally Paypal you $10.

I will only use the photo to promote my new website: http://stapleglue.com So we both win! YAY!

- bob wan kim.
http://sparkah.com CEO

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

So I have this hackingtravel.com blog right? Well, when I first started it a few years ago, I decided to review every single bar in Las Vegas. It was a painstaking grind as you can imagine.

Funny thing is that I had a couple of grand budgeted to do the reviews. I hardly spent any of it.

All I did was walk in with a yellow note pad and started taking notes during the most busy times. I did this in the Venecian, Wynn, Hard Rock… the list goes on and on. Nobody let me pay for my drinks. Turns out that the yellow note pad made me look like some big time travel writer.

Try it out and let me know how it goes for you! http://twitter.com/greenisimo

Posted via email from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary