How to Build a Facebook App / IPhone App User Base by NYC App Developer

How to Build a Facebook App / IPhone App User Base by NYC App Developer

No Comments
Send to Kindle

IPhone App Developer: “You Are Marketing to Stupid Idiots. Proceed Accordingly.”

The public is stupid. Beta was much better than VHS. It never took off. Solar power should be everywhere. We still pay for gas. You came up with the most brilliant iPhone and iPad or Android app and if only 10,000 people used it, you could change their lives. But you’ve got 8 downloads. Eight.

You are trying to market your app to these people. Remember that.

I remember being at a friends house – Marcus. He had 3 brothers – only boys. Whenever their mom baked a cake, there would be a fight. They would each complain that the other got a bigger piece. So Marcus’ dad thought up a brilliant solution. He had the eldest boy, Samuel, cut the pie in half. Then he had each boy by birth order cut the pie in half again.


When this fascinating process was over, Samuel would get to pick the first piece, and Marcus would pick the second piece, etc… on down the line.

Everyone got an Even-Steven piece.

Their father was an idiot.

He was sending an implied message to his kids that there is a way to make events in life fair. He was teaching his kids to make their happiness relative to the acquisition of others. In this case, it’s not the Joneses – it’s their brothers.

What I would have done (easy to say for a Guy that doesn’t even have a girlfriend) is to simply take away the pie from any and all complainers.

There’s no entitlement. There’s no stipulating what someone else gets and making your happiness contingent on the wealth or unwealth of another.

This is the problem with app development. Entrepreneurs think differently.

Entrepreneurs think that if everyone chipped in a single dollar to buy their silly rubber bracelet that ends up smelling like wet dog on a hot day, they could stop cancer and we could use the billions saved to instead fund clean energy builds. Entrepreneurs think that if you built an app where everyone just volunteers their favorite flavor of ice cream, then they could buy just that one flavor in bulk and open a nationwide chain of Basket Robber’s One Flavors Flav Ice Cream that give everyone two scoops for the price of one based on their new economy of scale.

The public is a stupid idiot.

They will not chip in one review, one rating, one field of personal information even if it meant they could have full access to everyone’s chip-ins IF it means that:

A) They have to wait for their pay off

B) Somebody else will get rich in the process.

OK. So “A,” the public is all about instant gratification. They do not till, plant, water, and wait. If you disqualify 401ks, only about 2% of the America Public own stocks of any kind.

The public is a stupid idiot.

And “B,” I’m not Christian but Jesus still said it best. “There was a master of a field. The harvest being great, he hired workers at the eleventh hour. After the harvest, he paid them all alike, the worker who had been there for 12 hours and the worker who only worked for the last hour. The worker who worked from the first hour complained angrily to the master of the field. The master said, you evil wicked slave (personally, I think this is a mistranslation. I think he said, “Stupid Idiot”) of what business it is to you that I have made another agreement with another worker. You have received what you wanted. Now go your way before even that is lost to you!”

What I’m telling you is that even if your iphone app idea is brilliant and will reduce traffic by 50% making your users’ commute to work 40% faster, saving them $200 in gas and $300 in wear and tear every month, if it takes 6 months to see an ROI, they won’t use your app. If they can see that you’re making millions while they only save $6,000 a year, they won’t use your app.

So how do you get someone to use your app? You’ve got to offer them an immediate dangling carrot. Remember, your market is a stupid idiot. The whole concept of collaboration doesn’t work for them. That’s why you’re the boss and they just want a job. They can’t see the big picture so stop trying to open their eyes. I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot, the voluntarily blind guy or the guy trying to make them see. Instead, appeal to a sensory faculty they already have. They still have 4 other senses.


It’s Amazing How Much We Could Accomplish If Nobody Cared Who Got the Credit – Reagan

How to Strategize Your Web or Iphone / IPad / Android App Roll Out
I’m only going to say this one more time. Do not expect to have a single user based on the promise of a future dated pay off. It won’t work (insert cricket chirping noises).

Google didn’t launch until they had already spidered 10 times more websites than Yahoo (more or less). Yahoo tried to get people to submit their urls for inclusion in their directory. Nobody did. Google won.

Facebook started off as a private site that showcased the hottest chicks at Harvard – both of them. Everyone wanted in. Only AFTER everyone got in, their payoff to the stupid idiots changed. Now, Guys from other Ivys could connect and network with Harvard boys. Only AFTER all the Ivy got in, their payoff to the stupid idiots changed. All the kids who had a mere 4.0 GPA and 1,400 SAT score could network with the IVY boys. See: Facebook Marketing Strategies


Twitter started off as a site where you could contact all the top writers, editors, PR people, and news (via — tech pr firms) media directly without knowing their email address. Only AFTER all the CEOs and Entrepreneurs who could see the value in it joined Twitter, the less stupid and less idiotic masses could see that being able to directly message these powerful people would be valuable. Only after they joined, Oprah realized that Twitter (details – Twitter Management and Social Media Management) would give her direct access to the public – right down to their text messages.

So as far as your Iphone, Ipad, and Android Phone App goes, what’s the first thing you can offer now? What’s the most compelling thing you can offer now? Right now? Sex. Yes. Sex.

Whether you have an app that lets people carpool, lets people get group travel discounts, lets people trade Gucci dresses, or what ever, if you can subtly imply that they will get laid, they will download your app.


If you want help developing your IPhone App Roll Out Strategy (so that people actually use your app)… Call us at 310 598 1606. Ask for Bob Wan Kim.

Social Media Marketing and Management from Social Media Marketing Strategies for the Closet Revolutionary

About the author:

I'm a rock star. I make sure of it. I only go out where I know for sure somebody idolizes me. o_O

Leave a comment

Fresh Ideas?

Back to Top